Wishing Well
by linckia-blue
Summary: And around him coins were falling bright and glinting and beautiful like antonement for his sins, like the naïve first snow of winter, and dead or alive didn’t mean so much anymore. RLSB Bring Back Black


Authors Note: Well it's like a right of passage or something, every R/S shippy has got to right one Bring Back Black, and here's mine.

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.

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Wishing Well

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Remus Lupin has very specific rules about Wishing.

Sure, he makes wishes about a lot of things, just as often as the next person. "I wish I hadn't missed the train", "I wish I could whistle better", "I wish the potatoes weren't overcooked."

But Wishes are different. There are only four ways you can get a Wish.

Birthday wishes first, of course, only one a year, and Remus had decided at an early age that birthday wishes could be spent _only_ on world peace.

Secondly, there are wishbone wishes. Wishbone wishes come only after Christmas dinner, and (if won), they must be used for health to friends and family.

Wish-upon-a-star Wishes, Remus likes, but, or maybe because those are for happiness and hope.

In fact, the only wishes that aren't specifically designated to something or another are coin Wishes.

Coin Wishes are harder to come by than most, in fact some people never make a valid coin Wish in their lives. Coin Wishes must be made on coins that have been found, they must be found heads up, (otherwise you have to leave them for someone in need to pick up), and they must be tossed into a fountain, with running water, or a wishing well. When tossing, eyes must be closed and the coin has to land in the bottom, no getting stuck in pipes or grass or algae.

Remus has made five coin Wishes in his life.

All were on Sirius.

He hadn't ever meant it to be that way. It was just…the way he needed them. That's what coin Wishes are for. When you _need _something.

1. [_Hello my name is…_

"Hey! Oi! Lupin!"

Remus turned around, nearly tripping on slightly-to-big black leather school shoes. He kicked nervously at the scruff of his cloak, which dragged in the slushy rain of the path.

_Sirius Black. As in The Black Family That Wants To Kill All Things Not Pureblood and Wizardly. (like half-bloods, and werewolves.) _His mind, helpfully supplied the answer to Remus' half formed question.

"You're in the bed next to mine, aren't you. In my dormitory. With James Potter and Peter Pettigrew?"

Remus nodded silently, his fingers cupping the edge of too long sleeves.

"_Room to grow in, and it hides-." He remembered his mother's smile as she adjusted his buttons, and at eleven he was smart enough to know that the sentence finished "and it hides all those scars."_

"That was you back there, wasn't it. You just cast that jinx on that girl to give her red and gold hair."

"What?" asked Remus quietly.

"That jinx, I saw you cast it from behind the statue of Bilibus-The-Brat."

"Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about. Besides where would I have learned how to make someone's hair change colour?"

"From your parents." The _obviously, stupid _on the end was silent.

"My mum's a muggle." Remus replied, "And I don't see my dad very often."

The other boy shrugged, and shook inky hair from his eyes, which Remus noticed were very grey and looked like the morning on a day when you know it won't snow but you spend the whole day worrying it might anyway. "You're pretty good at lying you know. If I hadn't seen you reading a book on colour changing charms last night, I might have believed you."

Remus chose to stay silent, suddenly wishing he was closer to the castle, and it's big stone walls and teachers with wands who were definitely better at stopping Wanting-To-Kill-All-Things-Not-Pureblood-And-Wizardly people than Remus was.

"That girl is my cousin, you know."

Remus hadn't know, but silently reflected that if he were to ever notice an older slightly manic looking slytherin student jinxing a defenceless first year around a corner again (_you are a defenceless first year TOO, idiot_), in preservation of his life, he _shouldn't _jinx her behind her back.

It wasn't like the girl had seen who he was, she probably hadn't even noticed her hair change colour, but why, oh _why _did he always get into situations like this, situations resulting in his immanent _demise. _

"oh." Said Remus, in a small voice.

"Yeah," continued the boy, "That hair thing is _mint._ I've been trying to get her _all_ day. Well, I wasn't going to Jinx her hair. I was actually going to charm "I love Filch's Cat" onto her forehead, but I can't get the last swish-flick right on the spell."

Remus allotted himself five seconds for shock and recovery time. "B...but she's your---you're a Bla-"

The wide white grin on Sirius face soured instantly, and Remus shut his mouth, swallowed, and tried again.

"Filch's cat's name is Mrs Norris. And I can't charm letters yet either, but I can show you the hair jinx if you want."

The grin re-appeared, and Remus found himself walking step-in-step with Sirius Black, and by the time they reached the castle, Sirius' hair had purple polka dots, and Remus had a large orange sunburst patterned out on the back of his.

Three days later found Remus perched on the crumbling, ivy coated edge of an unused well. The tiny roof had a nest in it, a single blue egg resting between bits of moss and most of an old Daily Prophet.

Carefully, gently, Remus rolled between his fingers the coin he had found in the Defence corridor last week. It was only 5 p, but shiny, newish and silver. He closed his eyes, tightly, and tossed in the coin, a distant _plunk_echoing back

_Please, _wished Remus, _Don't let him find out that I'm a monster. Please._

2. [_Even better._

Remus leaned down to tie his shoe, or at least he was pretending to.

Really, he was watching Sirius. Through Remus' fringe, Sirius acquired an almost golden glow. He leaned against the corridor, laughing, his face free and grin wide.

The top buttons of his shirt were undone, and his tie looked an awkward mockery, the way it failed at being respectably tied. His throat was pale, and it looked too soft. Remus wanted to brush his fingertips along it to find out.

"Well, come on, Rem, we'll be late for Charms."

Remus stood, following Sirius' rippling black robes. "Like you even care if we're late." He grumbled.

"Yeah, well, you care so I'll make half an effort."

Remus bit back a smile in spite of himself, choosing instead to roll his eyes. "Why thank you Padfoot. How complimentary, 'half an effort'."

"I try." Said Sirius, voice saccharine.

Their footsteps fell into rhythm, syncing into each other's, and walking close enough so that every third step sent their shoulders collided gently. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus marvelled at the silkiness of Sirius' hair.

"Do you believe in past lives, Remus?" Sirius' voice was placid and earnest.

"Well…" Remus thought for a moment. "I don't know. I guess you could call me an agnostic. Open to ideas."

"If past lives _do _exist, than I must have been a woman."

Remus' brows furrowed in confusion. "Why do you say that?"

"Because sometimes I just want you to ki-" Sirius broke off suddenly.

"What?" Remus asked, still unsure.

"Sometimes I just want to kill you all…" Sirius' voice was not so placid as it had been before, and he added an uneasy laugh to the end. "I just want to kill all men. That must be some sort of girly feeling. Lily's always saying that men are a blight on the human race."

Remus grinned, and the nervous knot in his chest released without him even knowing why it had tightened. "Yeah, well, Lily says a lot of things, like James would look better if his face was on his arse, and besides, it's called the hu_man _race for a reason."

Sirius laughed. "You better not let her hear you say that. You should see the stock of feminist pamphlets she's given to me. Yesterday, she informed me that I was a chauvinist pig."

Remus looked away, to the window, and felt the humor evaporate. "That isn't true." He said quietly, and many other things hid behind those words.

"No. It isn't." Equally silence heavy.

Still headed for the Charms corridor. They cut through a deserted courtyard. In the centre was a tiny fountain, only slightly more impressive than a birdbath.

Remus paused, and Sirius also stopped, a few paces behind him. He felt in his pocket for the coin he knew was there. He closed his eyes, and tossed, and he _Wished._

"_Let him _like _me." _He thought.

"Remus?" Sirius came up behind him "Can I…tell you something?"

Remus opened his eyes, hope thick in his chest. "Yes?" He replied, his voice sounding high to his own ears.

"I think that I'm in love with you. I think. Maybe. I mean…"

Remus pursed his lips tightly to stop a stupid drippy smile from spreading across his face.

_Well that was better than he could have wished for. _

3. [_Whisper pleas._

"Please open the door Remus." Sirius voice was very muffled through the thick wood, and Remus squeezed his eyes shut tight. "I just…I don't know how to fix it, Remus. You always fix things, and now I can't-"

Sirius was crying too now. Remus hadn't ever seen him cry before, but he could tell from the funny snuffling sounds, like a dog searching for the scent of it's mate. Remus put his hands over his ears and crouched harder back against the sink, ignoring the harsh pain of pipe pressing into his back. He played the game he had when he was younger and children at school had teased him about his thin, sickly appearance and scars.

"I can't _hear_ anything." Remus whispered to the tile floor. "Do you hear something? It must be the wind. It's very loud these days."

"Please!" Sirius sounded desperate. He was pounding hard against the door.

"That's funny." Said Remus, "I could swear it almost sounds like Sirius, but it surely isn't because Sirius is a back-stabbing betrayer of friends, and he is dead to me."

The floor did not answer, and anyway, really it wasn't funny at all.

When James finally got the door open, the bathroom was empty, and the window had been flung wide open, blowing wind and the first snow of the year onto the silent tiles.

For a moment, James feared that Remus had _jumped _and James had seen the same fear in Sirius' eyes, but there was a tiny note taped to the wall that read.

_Borrowed your broom, James. -Remus _

James had scrunched his eyes closed in relief, and then left the bathroom, not even looking a Sirius.

Not so far away, Remus crouched on the same crumbling ivy well that he had given his first wish to, with white flakes flurrying against him, safe, snow, cocoon, and he Wished again.

_I wish that Sirius will never hurt me again._

But it was certainly too much to ask from the poor Wish, for its power did not extend to regions such as those, regions that were as mysterious and haunting to Remus as they were to the suddenly flimsy magic in his hand.

4. [_Turn back time._

Remus felt very cold.

It was not a very cold day out. It was crisp, and felt very of winter with true blue skies, and only in the distance was a hint of what might be the first snow clouds of the season, and a sun the was like a distant bright light. The trees held their branches close, as though trying to cover their nakedness.

_Don't you see?! _Remus wanted to yell at them _There isn't any reason for any colour anymore at all. The world is ending. They're all dead, it's over._

He didn't think they would understand him though. Sirius had always said that trees knew when you were talking to them. That they listened, and that, is you listened back, they would tell you their own stories.

But apparently, Sirius had lied about a lot of things.

Instead Remus turned his head back to the sky and howled. It was a moon-howl. A lonely fearful howl, a howl that the human larynx was not meant to produce.

His voice sounded very quiet all alone. Sirius had always howled with him before. James had tried once, but deer didn't howl. Not like wolves did. Not like dogs…

No. No dogs. Just wolves. Wolf alone. Lone wolf…

Remus crashed to the ground and pressed his face against the cool stone bench he leaned against.

A few muggle people milled cautiously around the strange figure.

_Don't look _Their silent voices warned _This is what happens when you love to much. This is what happens when you trust to much. This is grief. This is horror. Don't look, don't look, you might catch what he has._

They averted their eyes, and pitied.

A girl, not older than six or seven approached, her mother to far away to prevent it in time.

"Are you okay sir?" She had a lisp derived from missing teeth, and her jumper had a smiling black dog on it.

Remus closed his eyes.

"Yes. Thank you."

His voice sounded as cold and dead and hollow as he felt.

"Come along Jenny." Said the girl's mother, catching up finally. "Let's not disturb this man. What did I tell you about talking to strangers?"

They walked away.

"Good advice." Murmured Remus, after they were already far from view. He stood slowly, and the fountain in the centre of the park clearing waited, bubbling quietly.

_I wish none of it had ever happened. _He Wished.

The coin sank without sound.

And the Wish was nothing. It had all happened. Full stop.

5. [_Saved._

It was silly to be here, and he knew it.

Remus had never made a Wish that came true. For someone who had such very strict Wishing rules, maybe he needed to re-think them a little, because they didn't work at all.

The well looked exactly the same as it had when he first stumbled across it on the Hogwarts grounds. It wasn't the only place to make a Sirius Wish, but it was the best.

Remus leaned against the crumbling stone wall and felt himself slip into his eleven-year old boy skin. He let the wind tug at his hair. Let the trees tell him their stories, let the stone feel cool against his skin.

The coin in his hand seemed slippery, as though it wanted to escape into the well, and fulfil its purpose. Remus didn't think to prevent it. He simply let it fall, eyes closed, he Wished.

_I wish Sirius Black was alive again. I wish he could come back to me. I wish we had a chance to be happy again._

He heard the faint plop.

And then again he was alone.

It began to snow. Early in the year for it.

The world is quiet when it snows, holding its breath. It is smaller, buffeted, hugged, naïve in the snow.

Remus returned to the apartment that he lived in, which he refused to call a home. Perhaps at the order meeting next week, he might say something nice about Tonks' hair. He liked it better brown anyway.

There was a sound at the door, and it took Remus nearly five minutes to realize that it was someone knocking on his door. More specifically using the Marauder knock, which had been agreed upon many years ago as the knock known only by Marauders for any occasion in which the person on the other side is in danger or there is an emergency.

Remus hoped that it was not a battalion of Death Eaters lead by Peter, with his silver hand pounding traitorous grieving patterns upon his door. Remus didn't think he would be able to handle that right then. There wasn't anyone else it could be though.

He opened the door anyway.

It wasn't Peter.

It was Sirius.

Remus knew it was Sirius, because there were very few people in the world who would come back from the dead and kiss Remus very hard on his doorstep.

Remus stayed cold and hollow and dead because he wasn't letting any hope get free until he was sure. Very, very one hundred percent sure.

"How long?" Was the first thing Sirius said.

"Five weeks, two days, ten hour, and thirty-nine minutes." Replied Remus automatically.

Sirius breathed out a sigh of relief. "I thought you didn't look older, I was so worried, coming here that maybe it had been years, or decades, even."

Sirius looked at Remus then, in the eyes as he had when they were younger. "I'm sorry. Are you alright? You don't seem very…happy."

Remus returned Sirius' gaze. "Padfoot. You must understand that I love you very much, but you died, and I'm not going to let myself think you might be alive again until I know."

Sirius looked happier. "Okay, that's alright. I hoped that was it. I thought maybe you…moved on."

Remus gave a short empty laugh. "Move on?" He quipped. "I'm flooing Snape, hold on."

"Snape?" Sirius asked, a look of displeasure on his face. He squirmed when Remus checked him over for any sign of disguising spells or Imperio. "Why him?"

"He doesn't care if I'm hurt. If you aren't real, just a hallucination, he won't humour me."

Sirius nodded.

Snape tumbled out of the fireplace seconds later. He had a small vial of thick read liquid in one hand and some sparkly powder in the other, as well as a black bag slung over his shoulder.

"What!" He barked at Remus. And then he saw Sirius. His eyes bulged, causing him to look, if possible, even more like a large black beetle.

"You can see him then?" Remus' voice still flat.

Snape opened his mouth and then closed it, and nodded once. He ran the same spell check test on Sirius that Remus had and then said, "I assume this is why you wanted me to bring a blood test?"

Remus nodded. Sirius held out him arm, and Snape pricked it with a needle from his bag, squeezed a few drops of it into the liquid, which Sirius recognized as his own blood sample from last year. Then he mumbled an incantation and dumped in the sparkly powder. The blood solution turned silver.

Snape paled in disbelief.

"It's him."

Remus felt the corners of his tight cocoon of blankness curl away, and there were suddenly tears running down his cheeks, and he was too happy. He hadn't ever been so happy, Sirius' lips were on his own again, and this time he could feel them there, warm and real and Remus didn't know who had started the kiss and he didn't care, and he knew Snape was still standing there, but he didn't care about that either.

"How?" He asked, hot against Sirius' mouth. "Tell me? How?"

Sirius leaned back, white grin big on his thin face.

"I'm not sure exactly…All I know is, I knew I was dying, and I felt myself falling through the veil, and then the next second, all around me were coins, really shiny silvery coins, falling slow and silent like new snow, it was like payment. I woke up and I was outside the ministry, leaning against the phone booth, and someone had thrown a coin at my head…I guess they though I was a hobo or something. But it was in my _mouth_, under my tongue."

Sirius fished around in his pocket for a moment, and Remus was vaguely aware that Snape was still standing there, shocked, clutching his blood test, but he still could bring himself to give a damn.

Sirius gave him the coin.

Remus recognized it instantly.

It was the first coin he had ever wished on Sirius. 5 p, still new and shiny, though, it should have been old after so many years. There was a small nick near the edge, where Remus had scuffed it with his shoe.

"I Wished you back…" Said Remus, his voice surprised. "All my Wishes. They didn't come true because I was saving them up."

Sirius understood what Remus was getting at instantly, having long marvelled at Remus' strange Wishing habits.

"I think that that qualifies this as a lucky coin, Remus." Sirius said, still grinning. "Don't go throwing this in a well…yeah?"

Remus nodded dumbly.

Snape made a squeaking sound.

Sirius laughed and kissed Remus again, and did not break away until he heard the sound of the floo carrying Snape away.

"I'm adding a new Wishing rule." Said Remus. "From now on, all coins must be cleaned first, you taste like rusty metal."

End Notes: Yay. There, that must be some sort of right of passage, every r/s shippy must write at least one Bring Back Black for the experience of happy AU-dom. Joy of joys

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